My first landing almost two weeks ago was in Athens, Greece. I am now in Salzburg, Austria. In between, Ive visited Rome and Florence, as well as the Vatican. I can say without a doubt that my favorite city was Rome, and that I would live in Italy if ever given the opportunity. After falling in love with Rome, Salzburg has been somewhat underwhelming, and I find myself missing home more than I expected to. I attribute this feeling largely to the weather here, because it has been raining everyday since we got here, letting up for maybe an evening or a few hours, and then raining some more. Also, the people here either dont like Americans, or they dont like noise while they eat. Each time weve gone out to eat in a big group, weve received dirty looks and one harsh reprimand for being too loud. The reprimand came from the mouth of a balding Austrian man with a potbelly and a gray streak of white hair growing at the base of his neck. After he harshly spat out, YOU ARE TOO LOUD! he proceeded to sit down with the party he was eating with and play Christmas music on his guitar…LOUDLY.
The United States definitely takes a win over Austria in the food department. Their restaurants make their food greasier than we do. Beware of any melted cheese product, as it will be accompanied by a thick layer of oil. I cannot complain about the weinerschnitzel though.
I have tons to say, but not enough time to say it right now. Also, some of it has to digest. More later.
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Tags: austria, europe, foreign places, greece, in love with italy, italy, new customs, salzburg, travel blog, traveling to europe
Thoughts, post-move
My new room feels strangely correct, as though I’ve been living here forever. Every piece of furniture found its place, and I no longer have a bookshelf facing my bed and cutting into my dreams. I was able to put my disk chair by the window, which was something I wanted to do in the old apartment but couldn’t find the space for. My closet is my own piece of art this time, and it came out really neat. I have a candle burning on my table, and Boogie is lying at my doorway. I’m kind of delighted that my cat’s taken such a liking to my windowsill.
I’m abstractly excited about going to Europe. I’ve never been out of the country on my own before, and I don’t really know what to expect. Six days from today I’ll be on an airplane, flying to Greece, camera in tow. I’ll get to capture foreign beauty that I’ve only seen in movies, and I’ll get to live in another country for a month. I’m trying not to expect too much out of this trip spiritually, but I can’t help thinking that I’m going to get some long-awaited insight.
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Tags: new things to come, post-move thoughts, traveling to europe
Moving the “little” things
Each time I move to a new apartment, I am reminded (much to my irritation) that my life is made up of small, inconsequential things that, as hard as I try, I can’t seem to live without. Like hair creams and blowdryers and straighteners and lotions and little trinkets and porcelain jewelry holders. Every time I move, I pack these little things. Then I unpack them when I get to the new apartment, and there they sit, largely unused except for a few occasions. Why don’t you just get rid of them then? You ask, quite rightly. Because. Because the moment I get rid of them, I will need to use at least one of them. Is this just the unfortunate rule of materiality? I’m sure I could quite successfully live without any of these small objects, but the fact that they exist adds a complexity to life that I don’ t feel I have to live without. This brings me to a question that I asked a few days ago after watching Revolutionary Road (which I found really insightful and incredibly well-made). Why do we perpetually get fed this idea that “it’s all about the little things in life”? Is it because we’re too afraid that if we fail at the “big things” that life wouldn’t be worth living? Because I think such a mentality sets us up for failure and allows us to be content with it. Sure we should appreciate the little things – the same way I appreciate my Fructis Hair Gel – but we shouldn’t be fulfilled just because we appreciate them. We should strive for the big things, and we should feel disappointed when we don’t achieve them, because isn’t that the only way we’ll keep trying?
Filed under: observations, when i philosophize | Leave a Comment
Tags: Ayn Rand, moving, packing, Revolutionary Road, striving for greatness, the little things in life
A few thoughts
Do I even know how to write anymore? I’m beginning to realize that maybe I never did. As with everything else, writing is an instinct I have, and a skill I never truly developed. I was naïve to think I was good enough not to develop it. Mike Sager told me a long time ago that I was “green,” and I couldn’t understand at that time why that was so obvious. I get it now, thank you law school. My writing hubris stems from the fact that I just about refuse to harness my thoughts when I write, so that paragraphs are often scattered, and sometimes without much purpose. When I edit, I naturally edit only the grammar and spelling of a paragraph, but I’ve always been too stubborn (*lazy*) to read over what I write and deliberately edit my content. Legal writing has forced me to do all of these things, and the learning process was painful. I absolutely had never done it until this past year, which means that I was not forced a single time in undergrad to confront myself as a writer and improve my writing capabilities. A few professors tried to give helpful advice on my essays – it’s kind of funny how often I’d ignore them. The stubbornness of youth. The fear of being cut down. Now I know I have to get cut down to build myself back up.
Every lesson that law school has taught me I wish I’d learned in undergrad – it would have made the post-undergrad rejection of my writing samples a lot easier to swallow. Each one of the professors I had at UCI taught us about the particular genre of writing that headlined the course, but not the writing skills used to write for that genre. In fact the only professor that attempted to teach writing skills was Mike Sager, and we all thought he was being a pain in the ass at the time. It’s important to understand genres, but I’d have rather focused on how to construct a powerful paragraph. Maybe it wasn’t their fault though, maybe I just wasn’t paying attention. Undergrad was a hectic time mentally. I was just trying to keep myself together every quarter, without really focusing on academics. But I realize now I have a lot of regrets, and that I might have taken a different path post-graduation had I paid more than superficial attention in the classes I took.
I do remember learning about a man who had a piece of his brain removed, who lost all of his long term memory. He could remember only one day at a time, and he would wake up each day and write in his journal that this day was the day he had his breakthrough, that it was the first day he felt like he was truly seeing life for what it was, that it was the first day he was truly living. Everyday bore the same exact entry. My memory is just fine, but I experience similar thoughts on a daily basis. Each day, at least once a day, I discover a new angle with which to look at life, and with this insight I think: this is the first time in life I’m thinking clearly, the first time I’m seeing life as it is. Each time this happens, I shun the outlook I had in the past, and I call myself a fool for thinking the way I did. This is a Russian tendency, to think yourself constantly stupider before than you are now (see Dostoevsky; see Dinara Safina). I’ll try harder now, to keep my head out of the clouds, and to pay attention to the present.
Filed under: on writing | Leave a Comment
Tags: literary journalism at uci, new angles, revelations about life, stubbornness of youth, uci, undergrad, undeveloped skills, writer's hubris
Don’t worry, be happy
This might just be the 3 miles I ran this morning talking, but I feel pretty happy today. I’ve realized – big shocker – that the more pressure I put on myself to get something finished, the less likely I am to actually finish it. So I’m going to try to stop putting so much pressure on myself, and try to teach myself to take it easy and enjoy what I’m doing. I’m pretty diligent as it is, so even with the dallying and procrastinating that comes so naturally to me, I usually get things done anyway.
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Tags: diligence, feeling happy, procrastination, putting pressure self
self-indulgent whining
today i decided to part my hair back the other way. i’d been parting it to the right since my second year of undergrad. today, i parted it back over to my left. i made this change instead of doing what i usually do when i feel uninspired and static: cutting my bangs myself. i think only once of the many, many times that i’ve cut my own bangs have they actually come out looking normal. in undergrad, that was okay, because it was hip to look unkempt, but at this age i feel as though my bang-cutting days should be over. still, i have had a really, REALLY blah day.
the sky was so light blue today it looked like it had a fine powder of dust on it. which then made the sunlight that beamed through seem extra white and lazy. which then made the already gray city look even more flat and lackluster than usual. this all added to my extreme state of blah.
finishing my first year of law school was highly anticlamatic. the work load crescendoed, i took my finals with spiked anxiety levels, and then i waited for a payoff. well it didn’t really come because the monday after my last final i went straight to work, except for my “work” doesn’t really have a set schedule, and now that i don’t have the routine of everyday classes to keep me busy, i feel sort of lost. i keep oscillating back and forth between deep laziness, guilt (because i can’t break the laziness long enough to get any research done), a few hours of productivity, and back to laziness. it’s really annoying, if my tone hadn’t made that clear enough. i’m just really annoyed. i am less annoyed right now because i ran a few miles and that took the edge off, but there’s still an hint of irritation floating about in today’s half-empty cup.
blah blah blah. annoyed.
Filed under: psychology | Leave a Comment
Tags: 1L, bitching, end of 1L, feeling blah, feeling static, in a rut, irritated and annoyed, law school finals, summer after school ends, whining
breaking the hiatus
i think i have a bug bite on my bottom. i think so beause i’ve spent the last hour scratching the right butt-cheek (that’s hard to do when you have company, and it’s been a persitent itch). i think so also because the other day i caught a black spider scuttling around my bookshelf and i tried to kill it. i usually leave spiders alone, feeling as though if i leave them alone, then they’ll leave me alone (and also because my mom believes that spiders usher in money, and killing them is a bad sign )(oh the stories i could tell). anyway, for some reason, i felt compelled to kill this particular spider. but it was in the crook of my bookshelf and cushioned by the carpet. i tried to stab at it with my remote control, but i couldn’t reach it. now it knows i was out for its life though, so it’s only natural that it should want revenge. it probably bit me while i was sleeping.
Filed under: stuff that's happened | 1 Comment
ugh
i have hit all sorts of levels of tired the last few weeks. i’ve also been cranky and moody. if i’ve snapped at you, i’m sorry.
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the gift of no gingivitis
i just received my first perk as a professional law student: a free tube of toothpaste, a toothbrush, and floss. i was at the dentist, obviously (no cavities!). his exact words were, “you’re a law student…you must be broke – here you go.” it’s a regular sized toothpaste too, not a sample size. crest. that’s right, be impressed! the perks can only get better from here.
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Tags: dentist visit, free toothpaste, law school perks, poor grad student
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